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........ [Oct. 8th, 2008|04:34 pm]
[Current Mood |indescribableindescribable]

So I was updating the hair sites order status, and came across, completely by accident, "a living will" that Eric wrote for himself. I couldn't help myself to read it, and I hope he is not mad that I did. The first part talked about what he wanted to do with his stuff, and if there was any debt under his name, for me to tell them all to fuck off. Then he goes on to talk to Ray which, then I couldnt help to keep from getting emotional. My head started to get all hot, and adrenaline started up, and he talked about how much he loved her and to keep going in life, and to just be happy.

Then he goes on to talk about me, which made it really hard to hold back my tears. Even now, typing this, I am having the most difficult time. I love him so much, that words cannot express. I hope for his sake when he goes, it's before me. I don't think I will make it much without him, but I know it would be much easier then for him to try and go without me. Not just because I want to live longer but because I feel I am a much stronger person, especially w/ my emotions. He would take it so hard, and I know that Ray would be his rock. She would keep him going in life. She would be so strong for him. I try not to think about losing anyone that I love. It's just one of those things, that you know will happen, but you just hope that day never comes.